By Ryan Clark on July 22, 2012
A New short video opening with the words, “Now, Then, Forever” opens the 1,000th WWE RAW event.
A history of WWE Monday Raw video package airs. It was a pretty awesome video package to be honest with you, which should be no surprise because the WWE’s production crew excels at video packages like this.
-Cole and Lawler welcome us to the show.
-Mr. McMahon is announced to kick off the show. Apparently he was not down for DX and their shenanigans. Vince strides to the ring with his classic power walk, and he looks like a happy man tonight. Vince says tonight makes 1,000 episodes of Raw, and he thanks the fans. We then get a “Thank you Vince” chant. Vince even drops the “Welcome to Monday Night Raw” line, and now he welcomes DX!
“Are you ready?” Triple H and Shawn Michaels are out in their camouflage pants and DX shirts. The crowd is very happy to see DX, and the shirts are special “One Night Only 1,000″ DX themed shirts. CHA CHING. Shawn says he is feeling this, but he feels as if something is missing. He has his pants and underwear, but, he feels like something is missing. Triple H agrees, and says they have the gratuitous merchandise on. Triple H does a check and he for sure has underwear on. He then says there used to be more of them. Triple H asks the crowd the question and they pop, they point and here comes…THE ARMY JEEP with Road Dogg, Bad Ass Billy Gunn and X Pac. They all do the DX crotch chops with the pyro. Road Dogg on the mic, and says they are about to go on a boat ride down memory lane. Dogg does his mic work, which is always fun. He even censored himself saying, “The Bad “BLEEP” Billy Gunn.” Triple H says this is a big start, and then does the “are you ready” shtick. He even makes fun that he is the only one left with a full head of hair, which cracks them all up. Gunn has the mic, and says this is his part, and cuts off Shawn. He says he did this very well, and Shawn says he started it all, and they converse about who should do this. Triple H jokes about Shawn losing his smile and posing for Playgirl. Triple H suggests they do the line together.
It is then that Damien Sandow interrupts the party. He is our intellectual savior, and Shawn says he wants to hear what he has to say, because to be honest, they are pretty scuzzy. Sandow discusses degenerates as he enters the ring. We should not accept this crass conduct. HBK says he is going home and going to church to ask forgiveness again. Sandow knows he can get beat down out there, but then says if they do that, he will not be a victim, he will be a martyr. Triple H says he makes a good point, and he says they will talk things over. Sandow says that they are very rude. They break their huddle, and we get a superkick, pedigree combo on Sandow. Gunn then drops the, “if you’re not down with that” line to end the segment.
-The Rock returns tonight.
-Brock Lesnar will answer Triple H’s challenge.
-Daniel Bryan and AJ get married tonight.
-Plus John Cena challenges CM Punk for the WWE Title tonight.
-Jim Ross now makes his way out to join the commentary team. BOOMER SOONER!
Six Man Tag: Rey Mysterio, Sin Cara and Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho, Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio
J.I.P. with Ziggler working over Sin Cara. Elbow drop connects for 2 by Ziggler. Tag to Jericho and he lays in rights to the ribs of Cara. Snap mare into a headlock, Jericho in control. Cara fights out, roll up gets 2 for Cara. Basement dropkick by Jericho, and he stops the tag. Slam by Jericho, one-foot cover for 1. Tag to Del Rio, whips Cara to the corner and lands a kick to the shoulder of Cara and covers for 2. Knees to the back by Del Rio, and then works a chinlock. Cara tries to escape, does and gets a boot to Del Rio. Tornado DDT connects and both men are down. Tags to Jericho and Sheamus. Sheamus cleans house on Jericho, slam countered and Sheamus with the back breaker gets 2. it breaks down now, Rey flies to the floor onto Del Rio. Cara kicks Ziggler to the floor. Jericho dumps him, and then tries for the walls on Sheamus. Countered and Sheamus stops a codebreaker. He then misses the boot, and Ziggler nails Jericho with a cheap shot. Sheamus sets, brogue kick to Jericho and that is all.
OFFICIAL RESULT: Rey Mysterio, Sin Cara and Sheamus @ 5:00 via pin
-The Rock will discuss the WWE Tile later tonight.
-Cole and Lawler discuss social media and TOUTS. They show some videos.
-Is JR really only commentating that tag match?
-Charlie Sheen is with them live via Skype. Sheen says the show is epic thus far, and he says he may fit in with DX. He thinks Sheamus may like to party, which is cool and that WWE may be a good home for him. He’ll be back later in the night.
-We get a video package highlighting the relationship between Daniel Bryan and AJ.
-We then see AJ preparing backstage talking with Layla, who wasn’t actually listening. She then asks if AJ wants to do this, and AJ is concerned that people call her mentally unstable. She says the whole place in unstable, and we see Truth and Piper doing jump rope with little Jimmy. Layla says it’s just little Jimmy. They then see Mae Young with a DUDE IN A HAND COSTUME who says he is her son all grown up. Holy shit. Layla wishes AJ good luck and leaves.
-Jerry Lawler gets SONIC delivered to him at ringside. Product placement.
-Brodus Clay has the crowd clap for his brother from another mother, Dude Love.
Jack Swagger vs. Brodus Clay
Swagger tries to attack, but eats asuplex right away. Big splash by Clay and that is all. Yup.
OFFICIAL RESULT: Brodus Clay @ 0:10 via
-Mr. Socko to Swagger after the match, and then dancing.
-Triple H and Trish Stratus discuss yoga backstage, and Trish tries to teach him to be more flexible. DX walks in and says that they will leave and just wait in the rear. They leave and Pac is left with Trish. Pac hits on her.
-We see Daniel Bryan with dudes in white medical outfits. Having AJ committed after the wedding?
DANIEL AND AJ GET MARRIED
Jerry Lawler introduces out official for the ceremony, The Reverend of Style, Slick! Slick says that he has been promised a whole lot of yard bird for his services tonight. Daniel Bryan comes out to his theme music for the tradition wrestling wedding. AJ comes out to the more traditional wedding march. Trish is here, could we get a lingerie cameo by her?
Slick begins the ceremony, calling the couple unique and beautiful people. Slick says that the audience will be their witnesses instead of a traditional wedding party. Slick says marriage is a sacred institution. They are doing the “WHAT” chants, but Slick plays along very well. AJ asks Slick to move things along. They ask if anyone thinks they should not be married, and the crowd boos. Slick says he never heard that before. They start chanting “NO, NO, NO, NO!” Bryan says that he knows they had their ups and downs, but he loves her. He will always love her. He promises that once the ring is on, and they are man and wife, a new chapter will begin for both of them. And he will finally have everything he has ever wanted. He places the ring on her hand, and after prompting, says, “YES” in place of I do. AJ says YES as well. Slick says that says it all, and as he is about to pronounce them man and wife, AJ says she did not say yes to Bryan. She said yes to someone else. Another man, who proposed to her earlier tonight…
VINCE MCMAHON COMES TO THE RING! Vince says it is not that kind of a proposal, it is a business proposal. To make the show as good as possible, he announces the new GM on Raw. AJ! She slams the flowers in Bryan’s chest and skips around in her dress to end the segment. She chants YES on the ramp, as Bryan chants NO in return and crashes the wedding set.
-Bryan is still in the ring throwing a fit. CM Punk now makes his way out to the ring. Punk says that he didn’t come out here to rub it in Bryan’s face, BUT you just did get stood up at the alter. Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy, and he is sure everyone is shocked at the turn of events. Punk sys he may do the same since AJ is the new Gm of Raw. But he wishes Bryan luck, and Punk will continue being champion and best in the world. Bryan says Punk isn’t even the best in the ring right now. He also adds that not only is he better than Punk, but he is the greatest WWE superstar of all time.
THE ROCK now makes his way to the ring. Shit just got real. Rock grabs a mic, and soaks in the chants. He says Bryan doesn’t get to say who the greatest of all time is, the crowd does. The People’s champ now says, “Finally the Rock has come back to St. Louis.” Bryan cuts off Rock and says he doesn’t know who Rock thinks he is, and Rock cuts him off and says you don’t do that. Crowd chants BOOTS TO ASSES. Rock then says you never cut him off, because it was right here when Rock won his first WWE Title. But the Rock is not here to talk with “Frodo,” he is here to talk about the WWE Title. Rock says that he got word, at the Royal Rumble, who ever the champion is that they will face the Rock. And that night, the title will be on the line. Punk says that it is good news for Rock, and him. Punk says that he will be the guy Rock faces. Tonight, he will beat John Cena and if Rock wants a match, he wishes Rumble was tomorrow. He wants Punk vs. Rock, and with all respect, he will beat Rock at the Rumble. Rock says it was here he won his first title, and he says, at the Rumble, the Rock will be the next WWE Champion. Bryan pops in and chants NO a few times, and says that this is supposed to be about him. This was supposed to be his night. Bryan then says Rocky will fight Bryan at the Rumble. And not only will he be the champion, but he will be the face of the WWE. Rock then says he is looking at what would happen a homeless lumberjack banged an oompa loompa. He then sings about Bryan being a troll from Lord of the Rings. Rock then says he came to talk to Punk, says good luck and kick ass, and as for oompa, it ain’t all bad, because the Rock got him a wedding gift. ROCK BOTTOM son! “If ya smelllllllllllllllllllll what the Rock is cooing.”
-Justin Roberts announces Bret Hart as the special ring announcer for the next match. Bret Hart says winning the IC Title against Mr. Perfect Curt Hennig was a great moment for him, and he will announce the IC Title match.
IC Title Match: Christian © vs. The Miz
This is the 66th time the CI Title has been defended on Raw, according to commentary. Christian in control early, 2nd rope dropkick connects. Miz to the floor, and Christian with a cross body from the top and we head to a commercial @ 1:00.
Back from commercial @ 4:00, with Miz in control, working a half crab to the injured knee of Christian. Christian with kicks to the face and escapes. Miz tries to go back after the leg, Christian counters, up top and a cross body gets 2. Christian to the second rope, back elbow to Miz and Christian sets, sunset flip by Christian for 2. Miz then counters and kicks Christian in the face and covers for 2. Miz works the knee in the corner, slap by Christian and then gets a tornado DDT and covers for 2. Christian sets for a spear, boot by Miz and a DDT stops that and Miz covers for a close 2. Miz looks for and misses the corner clothesline, killswitch countered and then Christian escapes the skull crushing finale. Knee hobbles Christian, and Miz hits the finale and covers for the win.
OFFICIAL RESULT: AND NEW IC Champion The Miz @ 8:00 via pin
-Miz says he is the IC Champion and he is awesome.
-We go to Charlie Sheen again via Skype. Sheen says Daniel Bryan has “Anger Management” issues, and then makes fun of him.
-Regis Philbin talks about Raw 1,000 and his involvement in wrestling.
-Triple H makes his way to the ring. Triple H says he has had fun, but now it is time to pick up the intensity. He knows Brock Lesnar is here, he called him out, and he wants a fight. He wants a fight at Summerslam and he wants an answer now. Brock’s music hits and Paul Heyman makes his way to the ring. Triple H calls Heyman a horse’s ass, and Heyman says he knows Triple His upset, but Lesnar is here tonight. And, Lesnar has given Heyman power of attorney to answer Triple H’s challenge. Heyman says Triple H wants to fight Lesnar at Summerslam, and Lesnar’s answer is NO. Triple H is tired of this crap, so if Brock doesn’t want to come out like a man, then he will go and find him. Heyman reminds Triple H that there are two law suits against him at this time, and that is not best for business. Triple H says he doesn’t give a crap. He then says Lesnar is a coward for not coming out to answer him to his face. He says Brock is afraid of him, and Heyman laughs at Triple H for resorting to name calling, and asks what happened to Triple H, calling him a child. Triple H then says not to discuss Triple H’s family or his kids. Heyman apologizes and says he stepped over a line, and mentions that he feels sorry for his kids.
Stephanie McMahon now makes her way to the ring. Stephanie stars down with Heyman and says that he should never discuss her children, ever again. If he wants to make things personal, the law suits are about him masking his failures as a businessman. At WCW, at ECW and at WWE. She says Heyman isn’t a visionary, and Heyman mocks her and Stephanie says that Vince actually fought Triple H, and her kids will be proud of her grandfather and father. Stephanie says Heyman’s kids are ashamed of him and she slaps him. Heyman bails to the apron and then comes back into the ring. He says if she wants to see Triple H fight Lesnar at Summerslam, it is on. He then claps for her and says she did it again, daddy’s little girl got what she wanted. He fell for it, Vince taught her well and she then attacks Heyman and Triple H stands and watches.
Brock’s music hits and here comes the pain! Triple H gets Stephanie to the floor and Lesnar attacks! They brawl, Triple H battles back and some knees by Triple H. Triple H sends Lesnar to the floor with a clothesline and stands tall.
-We get some Tout bullshit.
-Clips of the Cena vs. Austin dream match from WWE 13.
-We get a video package of the Austin vs. McMahon feud.
-They discuss the media coverage for Raw 1,000.
-Santino and Hornswoggle come to the ring with WWE BRAWLING BUDDIES! They give them out to the crowd.
-WWE Hall of Famer Howard Finkle comes out to do some ring announcing. Heath Slater time. Slater grabs the mic and says everything that has happened is in the past and doesn’t matter. The only thing that we will remember is his match tonight, his victory will be epic. He is challenging any legend to a NO DQ, NO COUNTOUT match.
-Lita comes out. Slater is not amused and asks if she thinks she can beat him. He calls her sweet heart, and accepts the challenge.
Heath Slater vs. Lita
The bell rings, and Lita says that for the match, she hired some protection. THE APA! They hit the ring and Slater tries to run. Road Warrior Animal then appears with Vader, Sid, Doink, DDP, Rikishi, Piper and Slaughter. They kick his ass and toss him into the ring. Twist of fate by Lita. CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL~! Lita up top, moonsault on Slater and that is all.
OFFICIAL RESULT: Lita @ 2:00 via pin
-They all celebrate in the ring.Ron Simmons grabs the mic, and says…wait for it… “DAMN.”
-SEAN MOONEY is backstage with Daniel Bryan. He says AJ ruined his night, the Rock attacked him and Charlie Sheen mocked him. Bryan says Sheen needs life management, and is Sheen were here right now, he would slap the YES lock on him faster than he could say, “Wining.”
-WWE now has 100,000,000 social media followers. Cole is with the guy that was 100,000,000th social media follower. He got tickets for the show, and he says he is having a better night than Daniel Bryan. Cole says the guy’s dream has come true because Cole interviewed him.
-Lawler brings up a video with Fozzy Bear, discussing catchphrases.
-Zack Ryder talks with Cena and says that Mean Gene was behind GTV. Gene appears and denies it. The Rock arrives and stares down with Cena. Rock says good luck to Cena and Cena says Rock will be fighting the WWE Champion. Cena plans to cash in and be champion, to get a shot at the Rock. Rock says he is looking forward to that, and good luck.
-Kane makes his way to the ring. Then, Jinder Mahal and other jobbers come to the ring to say that they want opportunity. Reks, Hawkins, Hunico, McIntyre and Camacho are out with him. But…
GONG! Bitches gonna DIE TONIGHT! Taker makes his way to the ring, stares down with Kane and the jobbers hit the ring, and it is time for a slaughter by the Brothers of Destruction. They start to toss dudes out, chokeslams for Hunico and Hawkins. Double cut throats and tombstones for Hawkins and Hunico. Kane and Taker face off center ring, and ten they kick the carnage to the floor. They pose for the crowd.
-Another segment with Charlie Sheen. They ask him about what Daniel Bryan said about him. Sheen says that he is drinking a shake, because he will shake that fool so hard, that his fake beard will fall off and we’ll see LOSER on his face. Sheen would be willing to face him and says he is not hard to find.
-Video package from last week, which set up this week’s WWE Title main event.
It’s MAIN EVENT time! John Cena vs. CM Punk for the WWE title will headline the show.
John Cena comes to the ring first. WWE Champion CM Punk is out next as we head to a commercial break.
We come back from the break and the bell rings. HERE WE GO – Cena vs. Punk for the title. Expect lots of interference from The Rock and possibly Steve Austin here!
WWE Title Match: CM Punk © vs. John Cena
And here we go. Punk offers a hand and they shake, sportsman shit! This is apparently the 53rd WWE Title defense on Raw. Shoulder block by Cena to begin. Punk shakes it off, crowd already with the dueling chants, and Cena works the side headlock. Off the ropes and another shoulder block by Cena. Counters, and a back slide by Punk gets 2. They smile at each other, and lock up. Punk works the arm, hammerlock now and now works that into an abdominal stretch. Cena tries to fight out, hip tosses out and they stand off again. They circle, lock up again and Cena drives Punk to the corner. Clean break by Cena. Chops and knees by Punk, Cena fights back and slams Punk to the corner. Headlock takedown, and Cena tries to ground Punk. Punk works to his feet, connects with the backdrop suplex and then kicks to the back of Cena. Back breaker by Punk and a cover gets 2. Punk works the side headlock, Cena works to his feet and escapes. Boot to the gut by Cena, they trade rights center ring. They trade kicks now, more rights and Cena in control for the moment. Off the ropes and a flying shoulder block by Cena. Protobomb by Cena countered and a Punk with the dropkick. Knee in the corner by Punk, mocks Cena a bit and Cena stops the bulldog with the protobomb. You can’t see me stopped with a kick, another kick to the head by Punk, and Cena is down. Punk calls for the GTS, countered and we have a ref bump. AA by Cena, but we don’t have a ref. Cena covers, and now realizes that we do not have a referee. Big Show is out, Cena check son the ref and Show SPEARS the shit out of Cena. Show sets, looks to KO Cena, and Punk watches on from the corner. Show KOs Cena. Show bails now and Cena is out on the mat. Punk surveys the situation, and now goes to check on the referee. He seems conflicted, and grabs the ref and rolls him into the ring. Punk covers and gets a close 2. Punk picks up Cena, hesitates, GTS countered and Cena grabs the STF! Big Show in and that’s a DQ.
OFFICIAL RESULT: John Cena @ 11:00 via
-Show kicks the shit out of Cena, and Punk watches on. He limps around and appears as if he will help Cena, but then THE ROCK makes an appearance. Rock hits the ring and brawls with Show. Spinebuster on Show. People’s Elbow CUT OFF BY PUNK as he clotheslines Rock out of his boots. Punk now sets and gives Rock the GTS!
Punk stands tall, grabs the title and just acts as if he doesn’t give a shit about what happened. Crowd turns to boos as he walks slowly up the ramp.
Credit: Tony Acero
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