CHIKARA “The Golden Child” Results 3.5.17

Credit: PWInsider

Welcome to the 3rd live show of Season 18! This is the first half of a doubleheader with Blitzkrieg Pro!

* Dasher Hatfield vs Hermit Crab

Dasher goes in for a sportsman-like handshake but it’s a fake out since no one should shake hands with a crab. Dasher starts to wear down Hermit but he battles back with claw-assisted chokes and holds. Hermit keeps working the shoulder, trying to get Dasher to submit to his shoulder pinch. Dasher refuses to quit and makes a slam-filled comeback. Hermit crab reverses a powerbomb attempt into a claw-assisted chokeslam for the 1-2-3! To quote the crustacean himself, “HERMIT CRAB IS THE BEST!!!” Huge upset and a good way to start the show!

Winner: Hermit Crab

* Fire Ant vs Merlok

A giant deep-sea monster fights an ant. Merlok works a lot of power moves early. Fire tries to use his agility to stay ahead but Merlok is WAY too strong. Ant gains brief advantages with an outside dive and a tornado DDT and a stunner but Merlok keeps catching and reversing his offense. Merlok makes a mistake going to the top rope and is caught with a hurracanrana and brain buster but still kicks out at 1. Finally, Fire Ant is put away with a spinning sit-out power slam. This was VERY good and Merlok looks even more of a monster after this!

Winner: Merlok

Announcer Vlad Radinov hosts a streaming wrapping contest with some children in the crowd.

* Jeremy Leary, Mr. Azerbaijan & Wani vs The Force (Officers Warren Barksdale & Bruno Meloni) & Mr Touchdown

Meloni & Mr. Az square off with shoulder blocks but the mirrors around the venue prove too distracting for Azerbaijan. Barksdale activates some red & blue lights on his shoulder for a dropkick. Leary tries to stop the silliness but eats an atomic drop for his trouble. Touchdown and Wani tag in and do some excellent back and forth work. Both teams work on triple teaming their opponents whenever possible. Meloni tries to book Wani for an illegal hold but Leary distracts the cops long enough for Wani to clear house, hitting a double senton on both members of the Force. Touchdown and Wani go hold for hold again until the Force recovers, hitting a triple 10-punch on their opponents. After several close falls, Leary hits Barksdale with a switchblade comb while the ref was distracted to get the win. Touchdown and Wani face off during the exit. This isn’t over between them. Excellent match.

Winners: Mr. Azerbaijan, Jeremy Leary & Wani

(INTERMISSION)

* Juke Joint Lucas Calhoun vs Juan Francisco de Coronado

Like last night, Calhoun has had a different, more serious attitude since the departure of mentor Drew Gulak. After a brief exchange, even Juan asks what’s happened to him before slapping him across the face. Calhoun gets super aggressive it it becomes apparent his knee is hurting. Juan starts to go to work on the leg. Calhoun reverses Coronado’s figure-four and almost puts him away with a Samoan drop but Juan grabs the rope in time. Juan finally locks Lucas up in a stand cloverleaf for the submission. Juan has the three points he needs to challenge for the Chikara Grand Championship!

Winner: Juan Francisco de Coronado

Announcer Vlad Radinov hosts another bad dance party for a free Chikara T-shirt. He also announces that he lost his gold chains during intermission

* Solo Darling, Travis Huckabee & Los Ice Creams (El Hijo del Ice Cream & Ice Cream Junior) vs Sonny DeFarge, Cornelius Crummels, Rock Lobster & Cajun Crawdad

The tag champs appear to be sporting some new gold chains that they must have “found somewhere”. Solo Darling wants to eat her partners because they are made of ice cream. The Ice Creams want to make sure no one has a hair dyer today. Travis Huckabee’s rules minded style is confused by the lack of a tag rope. Rock Lobster takes a lot of abuse from Travis & the Ice Creams. The carnies & crustaceans keep getting ejected from the ring. Travis and the Ice Creams do spinaroonis. With a reversal and a well-timed sneeze to the face, Crummels takes over and his partners start to work over Huckabee. Junior has a brief moment of wrestling competence and almost pins the entire other team at once. Solo tags in and her sugar-madness causes her to run off the Ice Creams briefly but Travis saves her from the 4-on-1. Solo manages to clear the crustaceans out but Crummels and Defarge manage to isolate her for a while. Rock Lobster stomps out Junior’s cone but he make a comeback against the whole crew. Big sequence of near falls, Solo spearing the entire match at once, the crustaceans hitting a powerbomb/german suplex combo, Travis hitting a huge frog splash on Lobster. Crummels & Defarge finally catch Junior with a tandem monkey flip from the top rope to get the pin. This match was WILD and the crowd was into it. After the match, Ice Cream Junior asks if they won. No. No you didn’t. 😉

Winner: Sonny DeFarge, Cornelius Crummels, Rock Lobster & Cajun Crawdad

* Chikara Grand Champion UltraMantis Black vs Max Smashmaster (w/ Sidney Bakabella)

This is Mantis’ first KNOWN defense of the Grand Championship. Max attacks while Mantis is getting his robes off. Mantis retaliates and hits an outside dive. Max powerbombs and slams Mantis to the apron. Manager Sidney Bakabella reminds Max he can’t win the belt by countout so the action gets back inside. Ref Bryce Remsburg is distracted and misses Bakabella punching Mantis from the outside. Max stays on top with a ton of strikes, slams and splashes. Mantis almost steals the win with a roll up. “Is that all you got?” asks Smashmaster as Mantis can barely stand up to face him. Mantis makes a comeback, hitting Max with a several chops and a dive to the outside. We almost get a count out victory by Mantis but Bakabella rolls his protege back into the ring. Smashmaster is starting to miss his attacks and Mantis capitalizes. Mantis is laid out as Max crushes ref Bryce in the corner. Mantis rolls up Max for a visual fall but gets hit with a tombstone. Mantis comes back and locks Max in a crab but gets hit in the back of the head with a roll of nickels by Bakabella. Bryce recovers and counts the fall slowly, allowing Mantis to kick out. Bryce is almost taken out again but Mantis catches Smashmaster with a sitout driver and gets the pin in an awesome title defense.

Winner (and still Grand Champion): UltraMantis Black

* Encore! – Silverhawks 2000 (Razerhawk & Sylverhawk) vs Dez Peloton (Donald Kluger & Jasper Tippins)

The bicyclists attack early but get tossed and hit with a dive by the hawks (Ca-caw!). Dez Peloton keeps trying to hit tandem offense but the hawks continue to escape. Razerhawk is isolated and eats a top rope splash from Tippins to end the match. Fast and fun!

Winners: Dez Peloton

And that’s it for “The Empty Child”! The next batch of three Season 17 episodes should unlock on Chikaratopia tonight and the next live installments of Season 18 will take place in Orlando during Wrestlemania weekend. Till next time!

Posted in: ROH Results

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